Friday, March 4, 2011

rivers, paranoias, etc.

this is a tail-end of an entry:

And this is where nature and the Road come in. I’ve been settled in this one ‘civilized’ community too long, that is, long enough to start feeling like if I don’t play the game I’ll me brought to shame, or at least to the end of the line each time. That’s why I move, that’s why I listen to the wind and want to shoot that man-dog when it barks at nothing and interrupt the wind. When you move, your chances of turning into a civilized swamp are much lower. Flow like a river, move by, pass though everything, like a spirit, and possess things and people if you can with a dream-passion-demon, if you’re blessed with a good message, possess them as you pass. Play a song, talk to them, smile, tell them about the other side, of where you came from, of where you are going. And go into Nature, flow with it, where the rust of the world can’t get you, cause there you’re made of wood, not iron. There you are open, cause there are no doors or locks or gates. And if you are afraid, the fear cannot spy on you through a key-holes or a fence crack, but it will come and look you in the face, and you either live or it takes you and end of story.
Yet, even this fable turns human, for all rivers can’t flow forever and if you follow the river, you get to the sea. And it is that Sea I flow towards. And streams and sewage pipes come into me, and I join the Niles and the Mississippis and turn into underground trickles and go through bed-rock and burst out a-waterfalling and flow and flow and twist and curl and I dream of the Flood all the while. A joining of all the rivers, swallowing rusty toxic swamps and wiping us all clean and rushing, rushing and foaming, rapidly, then rabidly foaming, and the flood reaches the Ocean.
Infinity, peace, silence, life, Blue Blue peace. The ultimate blues of the Universe – the Infinite Ocean of Life. 

Monday, February 21, 2011

greay is great

a mini-essay prompted by a friend's question about the color...


Gray is a plastic color achieved in pigment by mixing a neutral (neutral - a relatively equal combination of the primaries, which are red, yellow and blue) and a white; in light - by a neutral filter (ex. clouds). Due to its neutral position on the chart, it can respond beautifully - in subtle or dramatic contrasts - to its environment of surrounding colors or lights. 

Often the color grey can go unnoticed, blending into neighboring whites or blacks, whether it be in a shadow or body-color (body-color - the color of an object in stable natural light). But because colors can only be perceived in their relativity to others colors, in nature or human manipulation, when placed next to a saturated color, grey can both augment the color's vividness, and, due to the law of opposite colors (please see a basic color wheel), the greys own tone is accented, thus giving it a slight color 'glow'. This phenomena can be observed during particularly lit cloudy days, during sunsets and an dusk. Artists and fashion designers, and other people sensitive to color, adore a particular combination of a warm ('warm' in color language refers to a noticeable presence of yellow) gray with a pastel pink, and consider it a classic color combination. Joseph Albers, a painter and author of numerous essays, including a book, which now is a color theory classroom staple - "Interaction of Color", has studied and revered gray in his work, though most of his own paintings use primaries. 

In our culture, at times, gray carries with it a stigma of desolation and plainness - the grey of the ash in a burnt-down forrest, of a concrete industrial complex, of a cold rainy day. But with a sensitive application, this color can bring out the potential of others and serve as its own rich colorfield. Since the Industrial Revolution, many artists, architects and designers have fallen in love with gray both as a delicate surprising color and as a symbol of the new industrial beauty. The Bauhaus' revolutionary use of bare concrete along with exposed beams at first shocked the public, used to the beauty of a building be represented by warm wood of the country home, the white marble of Classical Greece, or the gold-leaf friezes of the Renaissance and the Baroque. Now the Bauhaus aesthetic is in the very bloodstream of contemporary architecture and public taste (although we still love our log cabins).  In his early surreal horror-film "Eraserhead", David Lynch sets the story in the concrete labyrinth of industrial L.A. He goes as far as recording the entire film in black and white, in order to give gray full reign.

Please enjoy your day. If the weather forecast favors you so and its overcast and raining, notice how bright those green bushes suddenly look. 


other gray thoughts:
an old woman's grey hair, a hare, the road, storm clouds, dust, wolves, dirty snow, the ocean, ice, rocks, gray eyes, my cat, the brain, everything just before it gets totally dark, moth powder,

Thursday, January 20, 2011

a dream about hands








Not many were left and the few who were had to watch their back. People wore many faces and often changed their expressions dramatically from a wide smile to a brooding to a confused innocence. Sometimes the change was so quick that between each blink you had a different man stand in front of you in the same body. The colors where both bright as fresh paint and dull and raggy, all at once. It was never quite day and never quite night, the medieval light of northern winter lit the outside, and door and buildings contained different worlds. I was the last singer in the world of cannibals and they needed my hands for business. The hands where the best when they were soft and white and belonged to someone like a singer or a young woman, or both in my case, so that they could be easily liquefied and molded into belts. The unwanted hands were thrown down a deep well-spiral-stair case to the bottom of which no one has ever been. Runaway thoughts and memories fell down this well too, hiding from misuse. They approached me and asked if I could lend my hands for their business, being such a wonderful singer. I agreed, but first, I said, I must take a walk. And I ran as fast as I could toward the well and flew down the stairs and into the darkness, for I knew that with my hands they will take my soul. In the soul-less world, merchants did anything to acquire a soul, for it was worth millions and could power a machine for much longer than any other fuel. I shouted sweetly, trying to conceal my getaway, that I will be right back, I’m just taking a short walk, I shouted up into the darkness, and I felt that they had sent their hounds after me. So I just let my feet tumble and fell. After an eternity of this falling chase I reached the bottom floor, which opened up into a large storage space, blue-gray cement and metal, fluorescent lights and locked doors. I ran through the labyrinth of halls. I didn’t know where I was, touching the doors and running up and down back stairs and elevator shafts. Then I reached the door at the dead end of a hallway that had no handles on the outside, but I opened it, or it opened to me, and I was in, and I knew I made it. This was the ‘afterlife’ ward for singers. In the afterlife they must segregate the males from the females, just like in a hospital or a private religious school, so it was full of women. The whole place looked like a rehabilitation ward, although everyone seemed physically healthy. The hallways were lined with lockers. I was handed a key and a lock and I had to find my locker. Suddenly I was running again and knew that if I didn’t make it in time I wasn’t going to be safe, I wasn’t going to be able to stay here and I would have to go back outside, may be even up and out of the well. With the feeling of being late for the final exam I flew up stairwells and down halls, lined floor to ceiling with small lockers next to which single figures and small groups where calmly conversing and moving things in and out of their lockers. I found my number, quickly opened it and put the bundle of clothes I had in my hand on the bottom shelf. I think it was a cloth hat and a shirt. I also had a bottle of water. I made it in time and stood looking around and catching my breath. A group of women approached me and asked if I wanted to come along.It was time and they saw I was new and they could show me where to go, although it wasn’t too hard, because everyone was going there.  I decided to take the clothes and the water bottle along, just in case, and closed my locker. I was staying here, probably forever, and a deep melancholy overtook me – these were all singers! And I was a painter, I was only a singer up there cause I could sing some, but I was actually a painter and now, surrounded by all these women with their opera statures and singer eyes, I felt a deep longing. Then I realized that to be stuck in a madhouse full of painters for eternity wouldn’t be much better, the melancholy lifted a bit, although my mind was still trembling at the vanishing thoughts of my recent chase, the hounds, the cries, the well, the fluorescent lights, my hands. I had my hands now, everyone here had their hands, and carried notebooks and coffee cups in them. We sat down in a big room, what looked like a cafeteria and a lecture hall at once, and I think we were about to be explained something about our condition. Then I woke up.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

letter to emir kusturica written as a facebook message

a poem for nikola

emir kusturica, you live in such a sad and drunken world,
we only dream in nightmares of joining you out there,
we dream, emir,
we dream.
but we are so afraid our heads
will explode if we take them out of the hole,
so instead we say our prayers for you from here,
from our coma,
from our uniformly glowing letters
our white-clicking buttons,
our neon lights of idols
that glow in our eternal night
and we tell the children
it's the sun,
the stars,
the moon.
we lie, emir!
we praise the bards with the golden tongues,
and drink their poison words
and put our fingernail clippings and our first-borns in their jars.
Dress us, O! whitely smiling ones!
dress us in yours sausage casing and pull our muscles tight,
we want to learn every dance in the world,
for we are immortal!
and our soles will never wear - we dance on clouds, emir,
our feet don't touch the ground.
what color is the dirt of your shoes?
Red
like the blood and the setting sun
or black
like the memories of ancient trees and the mouths of the hanged ones?
emir,
we are afraid and we hate each other
but we keep our clenched hands around our own throats
and try to sing.
we dance of clouds, emir.
we dream and dance on clouds.

Monday, January 17, 2011

portfolio for MuralArts

photo from a newpaper article on Huntington Firestation Mural, Boston, MA

project partner, Kristie O'Donnell, in front of Huntington Fire Station Mural

detail, Huntington Fire Station Mural

Rindge and Latin High School Mural, Cambridge, MA. The students used Gauguin's painting and questions Where do we come from? Who are we? Where are we going? to explore their own ideas of home and belonging. Each student painted several sections of the mural and contributed a found object of personal importance for the installation on the bottom.

R & L Mural, detail

student working on R & L Mural

R & L Mural, detail

R & L Mural, detail

R & L Mural, detail


Immigrants (Lost and Found), oil
with sculpture professor Batu Siharulidze, discussing mural installation Mother in Gallery 5 at Boston University

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

suggestion i sent into studio360 to do an episode on 'On the Road'

I am a twenty-three-year-old Belorussian immigrant and  I have been fighting with a disabling feeling of the loss of national identity and the unclear emotions following the event of moving to the States at the age of twelve, for ten years now. Anger at my mother, at the governments, at myself, at art, at anything, really - it's a frantic kind of feeling, like an egg that got dropped out of the nest and went into shock. It's the kind of anger that egg would feel after the shock is over, and it's supposed to fell like a happy little egg 'because this new place is better, so slap on a smile and run along!' I learned fast, but I could not find a sense of peace in the new identity I was supposed to identify with and even though my accent went and my Russian instead got an American accent (which was a traumatic realization brought on by a visit to Belarus after two years out and getting called 'an American), despite my assimilation,  I still felt like an outsider, especially in the subtle matters like humor and childhood memories, that people around me could share, and settle their nostalgia and camaraderie into. It's the intimacy of the cultural identity that I lacked and that lack brought me the most painful confusion. Nevertheless, I managed to get myself a full scholarship to BU and graduated with a double major in painting and sculpture and went along with my life, got a job. But the momentum of my migrant youth didn't let me stay put and I decided to backpack through Europe (again, but for longer this time) and go to the Balkans and see the gypsies and roam and have no home, because I was so sick of having a changing my permanent address, always with a feeling of shame somehow, and of being the undercover outsider, like an unpaid spy. 

But as I was getting ready to leave for the journey... I discovered the Blues and Woody Guthrie, then jazz, and then the whole wide mystical country rolled out before me, like a veil lifted and through the music  I 'got it'. And I left for my journey with a new feeling boiling up inside, the feeling of 'leaving home to go on a journey', but a home that I could come back to, a wild home, and home that was itself homeless, wandering, desperate for greatness, and I can live there, because so was I. And somewhere along my trip I found 'On the Road' online and listened to the whole thing in a gulp and Kerouac opened for me the last floodgate and I finally felt happy to be... well, I have to say it - an American. I am planning many projects based on these new feelings - paintings, murals, documentaries, and I want to talk about home to those who feel like they don't have one, I want to talk about the Blues, about singing,  about storytelling. America is nothing but road, and on the road I found my home.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

the 'store' and the goatman, star istevnik, macedonia

a daily philosophical debate with a goat-owning neighbor as he crossed the road to the field and as i waited along to road to hitchhike into town:

- ey ey, okay okay!
- hey, hey!
- hello!
- how are you?
- okay okay, [macedonian words and gestures adding up to 'getting by']
- oh, alright.
- where you go?
- to town
- for what?
- internet
- ah, eh, okay okay. you coming back?
- yes, tonight.
- ok, okay [i'm just taking my goats for a walk in the field over there]
- oh, how many do you have?
- three, [for milk, enough for me and my family to eat. you like?]
- yes, i do, i would love some, thank you.
- ok ok super [in the evening when you come back i will bring some by maja's house and you can boil it and drink]
- oh, thank you so much.
- bye
- bye

star istevnik
A village consisting entirely of Francis Bacon portraits, surrounded by the rolling hills of Eden and fresh sunbathed pine forrest, where a sadly notable number of young people hang themselves each year. The winding roads rise to the steep horizon and lead right into the luxurious clouds. The landscape - a collaborative vision of Bruegel and the art director of Teletubbies. Always a dog barking somewhere, the brass gypsy dream beats always just far enough to hear but not to see. Excerpt:


'the store'
How I love to watch the light of that stoically decrepit building employed by the village as the local store but mostly serving as the bar for the few but dedicated old men (and an occasional woman disguised almost seamlessly as an old man); how I love to watch that pale blue-yellow fluorescent rectangle, interrupted quietly by the panes and the permanent and solemn decoration of lined-up beer bottles, inviting and mournful; how I love to watch that window elevate into the night as the tractor rolls downhill and away. A muddy pedestal for the glowing smoke altar, the blue cube of the television suspended above the dusty wooden shelves, stacked with a few loaves of bread, cookies, cigarettes (though not tonight, and who knows when there will be any), beer, matches and other necessary, but somehow blandly unsatisfying items. It ascends, raised by the road, remaining on the hill, surrounded by the windy and endless darkness of the half-abandoned village, by the ringing tide of the surrounding forrest, whispering of ancient gods, of invasions and rebellions, of the men hanged on its limbs. Turning the corner, the rectangle disappears, the stage curtains, the unread and the unwritten play continues among the night hills, without an audience, unwitnessed, abandoned into oblivion and out of memory, our of history. But by those circumstances it is unstirred and uninterrupted, sliding along the narrow cracks of tradition, slowly and without blinking, without looking back, without looking forward. Gaze fixed on its thick dry cracked warm hands, or a few paces up the road on its goats, chickens, tractor wheels or another endless ageless tasks of survival dictating the rhythm of each sunrise-to-sunset day.

The sun sets, the dusk colors' magical transcendent performance ends in gray, violently tumbling into the colorless pitt of the country night. The demons rise up from the ground, floating out of rocks and glassless windows. The trees grow arms and eyes and roam and moan for man. No more questions or answers, the night reigns silently and judges blindly, documenting the forgotten histories, finishing the phrases and cries cut off by days, deaths and doubts. A mouthless toothless mumble and the song of the nightingale.

Friday, December 24, 2010

lilly, mary and rosemary: october 8, island of vis, croatia

an entry from my travel-log:

Lost in the sea of rosemary as it sedated my senses and sut my legs into bloody lines (i still got the scars ). Lines and piles of rocks laid to level out the hillside for planting, rise from the shadowy wet bramble and served as momentary resting islands. Ana and I stood on these rocks looking at the road below, from which we turned and began to climb up this hill about an hour before. The growth was much thicker than it looked from the road. The road below, to the left and right of us the  same endless ocean of rosemary, pines and thorns with white piles and spines of white stones, above was the top of the hill. With each attempt through the bramble the top moved further and further up, causing us to curse, at first under our breath, and soon in short loud words, directed not an each other or the hill, but the stinging sensitivity on our shins, thighs and arms, and at the growing possibility of spending hours like this without water or shelter  before we reached a field, path or a road.  The beach on the other side of the mountains was the reason we chose a shortcut over the hill, instead of following the curvy road. Traversing sideways we crawled over to the sunny side of the slope where the growth was shorter and a well-preserved stone spine lead up a major portion of the hill.With each move falling into the wet fragrant and evermore thorned abysses of the hill. Untouched by humans the branches and grasses resisted us by slashing and whipping, but we moved through with the sheer intention of survival. No helicopter was coming, and there was no choice but to take turns in stomping the path and moving on.  Reaching three or four step tops, two or three hours in, we saw a valley of fields on the other side. A brief hallelujah, but the way down might be hours away. Lines of rocks formed right angles suggesting the history of houses: a shepherd's hut, a town or a fortress, who knows. Allowing ourselves to stop and rest for a few minutes, we took a few sips of the precious water. I checked up on the ukulele, which was sticking out of my backpack, wrapped in Ana's shirt. It was miraculously unbroken and intune. Among the rosemary, salt, pine, fermented grapes and our sweat, I discovered a centimeter-long black thorn in my leg and tried to push it out. Ana went at it with her longer fingernails, a key, and a pen-end, but it was too deep and our efforts only created a small bowl of bloody meat soup in my flesh. The climbing, the oxygen and heaven's landscape numbed the pain and we stopped only to descend and hope for a road below. The road appeared in a few minutes and we rejoiced in being able to step straight, swinging our arms, no thorns grazing each movement. I blessed the creation of roads and we ate a bitter-sweet pomegranate picked at the roadside on the edge of town. A few hours later we reached the holy Milna and its beach and swam in the warm dusked Adriatic waters. On the way back we passed vineyards and olive groves. It was wine making season in Croatia and the full clusters of grapes were sweet and satiating. Two hand-fulls each, we made it our dinner. We got back to our camp by sundown to wash off the blood, grape-juice and dust and watch the moon rise.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

some tips and proverbs

the road to nowhere is paved with dead cats (especially in eastern europe and the mediterranean)

golden teeth don't always speak golden words, but sometimes they do (i knew i was close to home when i saw my first full gold teeth smile of an old man in bosnia . old diamond braces got nothing on this guy)

a good song it worth a thousand miles (singing to your hitchhiking ride entertains both of you and eliminated the time you have to try to talk without speaking a common language. learn some songs if you want to travel)

the cardboard core of the toilet paper roll turns out to be quite soft and absorbent (take any chance to stock up on napkins)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

petah tikva roadkill blues

(Stationed in the suburbs of Petah Tikva in the house of my mother and her husband until I can hit the road again, I spend many hours walking. The road shows me many things, and one of them is inescapably roadkill.) 




The dead cat hung on the fence like a lost glove. At first I thought it was a stuffed toy when I caught a glimpse of its head and front paws, soft grey and white, like a real kitten. I wanted to take it with me, but of course such a nice toy would be missed and someone will surely come and find it and a small child will delighted. I realized it was a dead cat when I walked into the stench and then closer to see the flies making their way into the feast through the eye-sockets, mouth and the soft skin around the loosely hanging claws. Head and front paws flipped over toward the street, on the other side a bloated gut and stiff tale with a snapped tip sticking out of the limp spine like an old radio antenna.... or like a dead cat's tale. The fur was still intact, but under the skin organs and bones sagged and moved distorting the firm kitten body into a baggy corpse. After standing on the narrow sidewalk by the highway alone with the cat, trying to understand everything, I kept walking towards the park, to sit on a bench and think about things and I can and cannot take part of mending, and about the cat I left hanging on that fence.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

a postcard

Ode to dumps
My voice still as shaky as you remember, yet full of enthusiastic nostalgia and melancholy, I hum along to "The Ballad of Mary and Rosemary" as it plays in my head. Tonight I watch the dusk, and with it the end of Shabbat, over the glowing hills and holes of the dirt lot dump behind my mother's house. An elegantly trashy palm tree is silhouetted against the dusty peach sunset. I feel strangely safe at dumps and this particular one is mostly rubble from unfinished or demolished houses - cinder blocks, rusty rods, tiles. Closer to the houses, piles burnt plastic, pieces of outdated household appliances and naked Barbies with selectively remaining limbs line the hems of the field. A landscape striking me as another planet, or a movie set, especially when entering in from the paved and fenced suburbia. But this must be the secret subconscious of our world and it's abandoned charred grace stands as almost more natural than a forest of a lake. It's a history book, a memoir, a museum, a backseat, an arena. It's the scarred surface on the moon, innocent of its disfigurement, ominous, beautiful. I'll be in Israel for a few months learning how to walk (and then may be take some dance classes).
love,
anya

Saturday, December 11, 2010

south wind, memories of corfu

two days ago the first rain in weeks fell in israel. deep warm thunder and lightning last afternoon, as I had my first stick shift driving lesson. last night rain came but the wind that carried the clouds brought with it desert sands from the south and has grown stronger as the sun rose higher, bending small pomegranate trees towards the ground and ripping the ripened pecans off the tree and throwing them with a thump against the plastic tables and chairs in the yard. the air is full of gold, sky like gold threaded silks of a tent, diffusing the sun evenly, leaving little shadow. everything is glowing, shining like silver and copper. the metallic leaves of the lemon tree flicked in the wind as my eyes fill with dust each time i go outside to take in the magnificent scene. i love storms, rain, thunder, lightning, but a sand storm, an ancient inhabitant of the desert, is a very special event. a biblical event, timeless and almost supernatural, especially to my fair-skinned western sensibility. well, eastern european really, but fair-skinned nonetheless. each storm is like a trip - it takes you into a tunnel where you remember every trip you've had and can feel the ones to come.

this storm reminds me of the storms on corfu in greece when ana and i sat on the roofed veranda overhanging the Aegean sea. i watched each sunset like a play, rushing to get home, take a shower, get dressed, make dinner and sit down, facing the sea and the sky and watch, sometimes talking, sometimes in silence, for a couple of hours. after a hot day of bending down over piles of olive branches, picking of each one, taking out the leaves, sorting, looking down at the ground all the while, to look at the sky and the water was the crown of the day, the payment for all the labour and stress of working for a tooth-and-claw greek family. i saw two great storms, one of them was on our last night, when we had to sleep on the beach, due to a disagreement with the farmer husband pigman, who vomited up his economic frustration (there is a serious depression in greece at the moment) at us in the form of harsh words. we left that day and camped on the beach along the row of hotel fronts and beach bars, vacant in  mid-november. we spread out the sleeping bags and hung our clothes in a roofed wooden dance floor. our clothes were soaking, because we left before we could take them out of the washing machine. a rough end for a magical stay on an island, but so it goes. it was time to leave. as we spread out our things, and ate the little food we managed to grab as we left, we rolled up the present that nikos, one of the step-children in the pigman's family who was in the underground with us sneaking and hiding around the house to avoid the totalitarian regime. with his generous blessings we entered dusk and the mystic dimension of night.

The horizon was clear and we watched the sun's disk disappear into the the sea until the curlved top dipped into the water. standing on our heads all the while. one really must try to stand on one's head at least once a day, especially at sunset. the wind was gentle and a few dogs came running up and down the beach, playing with each other and tumbling across our humble abode once in a while. they were castaways and happy about it, just like us, and soon we accepted their company, or they accepted theirs, since it was their beach after all. later that night the smaller of the dogs, a black and white spotted mutt, slept curled beside us, guarding us from the corfu ghosts, which voiced themselves in the waves and falling branches of the night storm. As the sun set, clouds rolled in from the south, from the middle east and across the Mediterranean.  clouds full of hot air and salty water. having traveled a long way they were ripe with rain and the changing atmosphere of the greek mainland would burst their full bellies letting out a generous flood, much awaited by trees and farmers, but disabling the drivers of the whole island for a few days - when rain falls, it covers the already slippery layer of olive oil from the fallen fruits on the roads and the steep hills seem to be made of ice beneath tires and the bottoms of shoes.

The sun's light dimmed and a full bright moon rose in the east. suddenly a large spot light was turned on behind our roofed shelter and sharp shadows were thrown onto the beach in front of us. for a few minutes we sat discussing what could that be, and ana said that she was scared to go look, because if it really was a spotlight, then we were not safe somehow and we were not alone in our peace. i thought it must have been the moon, but together our paranoia fed both of our fears and we sat huddled staring at the grotesquely industrial shadows on the cold sand. eventually i got up to look at this mysterious spot light. was it coming from a hotel, a helecopter, a UFO may be? we had to find out, because the night's magic was not accessible to us with such a fear. i peeked backwards over the roof, and there she was - the moon. clear and bright and white as a shell. suddenly the sand became warm again, and the shadows no longer grotesque, but lulling and deep blue and magnificent. knowledge brings light, but knowledge takes courage.  the clouds kept approaching from the south-west, changing shapes, turning the water to the most magnificent and other-worldly shades of indigo, when suddenly we noticed an abnormally sharp shape in the clouds. a needly, like a wasp's stinger protruded from a low dark cloud on the horizon and grew longer and longer until it touched a boulder rising above the reef. we closed our eyes and opened them again to see if the darkness and our mystified state of mind were distorting our vision, but there is was, long and thin, and now moving in and out of the cloud, undulating, breathing, reaching for the rock and receding back into the cloud.  a water tornado. this was the synoptic side of my brain speaking. but we are in greece, nothing is just a storm, just a cloud or just a wave. it's always zeus' wrath, a reclining nude athena or a siren washed up on the beach. so this was no old water tornado, although the idea of a rapidly spinning pillar of water and debris coming towards us, us who were scattered at the edge of the water exposed to the elements and the whim of spirits and protected only by a thin roof. that thought was enough to put the fear of god or gods into us. but, no, this was no ordinary water tornado, this was, as we calculated from further observation and discussion, this was a tail of an ancient sea creature taking up the opportunity and riding a cloud in order to cross the mainland of greece to the other side of the mediterranean without having to swim all the way south and around the peninsula. of course! and somehow, when the water tornado turned into a tail, things began to make more sense and we loosened the iron grip we both had around each other and sat there discussing the travel patterns of mythological creatures, especially those dwelling in the sea. it rained madly all night, but as we situated our sleeping bags in the middle along the back wall of our shelter, the whipping water was just short of reaching us and we were safe, dry and warm. when i woke up in the middle of the night a few times when the rain got so loud, the small spotted dog sleeping near us would look up at me and ensure that everything is alright and i can go back to sleep. i slept soundly till dawn.

the morning was quiet and clean, and it was a time-to-get-a-move-on kind of morning. the clothes were nearly dry and a much lighter load. we packed up, finished the oranges and the little bit of water we saved, packed and left poseidon's beach. he sure treated us well in those few weeks. the pigman has a lot to learn from him in hospitality matters. many sunsets seen and many lessons learned, we left the island a few hours later, catching a couple back-to-back rides and just making the ferry. later that night we found ourselves in athens.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

for alex and jean-marc: 'this has nothing to do with me'

the elephant house sighs...:
'why aren't you writing down that which keeps you from breathing? may be it would help, you know, to write it down, get it out, so to speak?'
it wanders slowly towards the water and picks at broken seashells scattered along the gray sand:
'the tragedy with you is that you don't know how to just sit back and watch it all go by without feeling like you're missing out, and then you jump up and start chasing around the bits and pieces. and you want the bigger picture  but how do you expect to get it when you're always out of breath...'
cats are like gypsies - appearing and disappearing at their own mysterious disposition, sending their young to shamelessly beg, they're charming and although subject to all sorts of flagellations, sacred, existing somewhere in between species, in between time zones and times of day.
a moment of clarity, a faint memory of the exorcism that took place only a few days ago. i knew my mind would fog and all the settled dust will get stirred up and flung into my eyes and lungs, but how unromantic, how sticky this feeling of helplessness is. those, like jack kerouac, who managed to turn it into a life source, a way of life, a direction - are gods. the ruthless words of rootlessness. 
in the middle of some dusty village of concrete and cars, in the middle of the holy land. hiding in the garden, banging pecans off the tree with a stick. something to do. half a chameleon, some leather left around the head and the spine and ribs sticking out. i was plastered to the bed this morning, missed the sunrise. i think it's impolite to miss the sunrise.
the elephant house sighs again...
'that space in your head, the one full of nothing but light and air, clean, fresh, ringing, endless air, that's the only part of you which is alive. that's bad news for the rest of you and bad news for everyone around you who doesn't know about that space. all they see is a walking corpse, imagine that? what a funny nightmare you're in.'
dogs are like lovers from a past life.
expectations and words punctured my lungs but i am full of light and another dusk is coming over the land and i will sit in the garden and watch it change the colors of the leaves of the dry trees. i wonder how much i need to sensor myself and who cares and what does everyone else feel about facebook and email and everything. what does everyone else feel about everything? i think my greatest joy right now is to breathe. when i hit the nut tree with the stick,  bunches of silver flies floated down, disturbed from their humming and sleeping in the nutshells. i can feel one crawling across my forehead.
there is an accordion player in every big city, and everywhere is full of music. you must seek the prophets and the poets. they must all be so tired and confused they don't even know who they are anymore, let alone professional pursuits. everyone rolls the end of the world around on their tongues, like a pill, relishing the milky plastic taste before swallowing. keeps you just crazy enough if taken daily to not care that much. side-effect of time warps, and taking it in overdoze is like rolling dice: may be you will end up famous as soon as you come out of the coma, or may be you'll feel exactly the same as you did before, or the coma might not lift. the above information is beta. sidewalks might be missing from sections of the route. 

promised drawings


















Saturday, November 20, 2010

future in Athens, thanks to Malin

Athens is a wonderful city, if you know where to go: Exarcheia (anarchist neighborhood, search for plateia Navarinou(squatted parking lot) and Nosotros (nice cafe with live music/theatre/cinema and cheap drinks), lycabettos hill (nice climb and view), philopappou hill (where the famous Greek philosophers held discussions, you have a nice view over the city and you can see the sea), Akropolis (it's free entrance on Sundays), Thisseio (has outside fleamarket on Sunday mornings), Monastiraki/Plaka (just to walk around, try to find the old, small white houses, with the whitepainted alleys and stairs, built against the hill of the Akropolis.
There is a contemporary art museum in Athens, but you have to ask for the exact address.
For a daytrip, go to Sounio (where the Greeks built a temple to honor Poseidon. You can take a bus from fillelinon street (wait at the orange sign), which is very close to the central Syntagma square (return ticket +- 10 euro). To get around in the city, you can do almost everything by feet, if you do want to take public transport, a ticket is 1 euro (0,50 cents for students) and you can travel 1,5 hour with all means, you can find it at most of the kiosks. No more, explore and enjoy!

Friday, November 19, 2010

miracles

To Dear Malin (a friend we met on Corfu yesterday),

You are beautiful and meeting you was one of the miracles that happen in life and especially on the road, and I'm sure Ana will agree with me in her own response to your wonderful email. Today was a day I am still speechless about and this email in the first attempt I make to describe it. First, Ana and walked down to the beach a bit away from the hostel, ate the dinner, did yoga to the sea and watched the sun go down while standing on our heads. Then we sat and watched the rest of the light fade away into night, colors and shapes on the clouds and the sea changing (I hope you got to watch it as well), talking, in awe of the magic around us, also talking through the situation and realizing a lot for ourselves and finding a good lesson and making peace inside about Spyros and that day. We slept on the beach, it was warm and the rain didn't touch us, and a little white and black dog slept near us guarding our sleep all night. We woke up just after sunset and got a ride from a family up the hill and to school - he was dropping off his two thirteen year old daughters. Then almost right away we got picked up by a man from the Isle of Man from Great Britain, who drove us to Kerkyra, where we caught a ferry in ten minutes. With coffee and chocolate of the ferry, we left all hurt behind us and only remembered the good time on Corfu and thought much of you and we know you will enjoy it there, you have a clear kind heart and you will always find a way to happiness and safety. We got to Igoumenitsa, walked a little out of town and stood under a bridge looking for a ride. A big beautiful dog started walking by us, kind and protective. We found a persimmon from a tree and ate it, delicious. We stopped under this bridge and the dog stopped with us. It suddenly started hunting all the car, running after them like a lion and many of them were slowing down a lot right in from of us, when finally the dog stood right in front of a small red car with two men inside, they saw us and pulled over. At first they thought there was not enough space, but we fit in the back. They were two men coming from Albania and going to Athens. They took us all the way to Athens, bought us coffee and shared some delicious food with us, which we all ate watching the sunset on a beach by the road. They dropped us off the the bus station in Athens. It turned out that its the wrong bus station, but we were directed and took a free bus into the center, where after walking a bit lost looking for the right bus station, we stopped in front of a cafe and Ana said 'may be we should ask somebody', when a man right next to us said 'you should ask me'. He was the owner of the cafe, he borrowed a friend's key and drove us to the right bus station and we caught the last bus, with enough time to have a cup of tea before. On the bus we borrowed a phone and called the Yoga Center, but he man said it was too late for him to come pick us up from Chalkida, and we were a bit sad. Then a girl named Artemis started talking to us and by the end of the ride we had her number to meet her in Chalkida for swimming and anything else, we had $10 euro from the guys across from us, and a ride directly to the town where the yoga from was. We asked for nothing, just shared our story and all this help came. We got to the village and bought crepes and juice with the $10 euro and the Yoga Center for just five minutes away. Some people were awake and let us in and we are about to go to sleep in the living room. The journey started this morning at 7 am in Pelekas and just ended at 1 am in Agios Nikolas on the other coast. Amazing amazing day. And all the treats you gave us tasted just right at just the right moments. Also, we called Pan and we will meet up with him after we leave here, definately for the week of December 1 - 7 we would love to stay in Athens with someone and spend out last week there. Thank you for the good energy and love you sent us off with, with your blessings we make in across Greece in one day without money and without any problems.

Good night

Friday, November 5, 2010

star istevnik

The old woman climbed up the wooden ladder, stick-cane left leaning on the side of of the barn. Green patterned robe and viridian apron jovially standing out against the sun-bleached dung-plastered walls, part wooden-beams, park crooked brick. Her vivaciousness and an unbreakable lust for life kept her walking, sane and insatiably curious about the details of everyone else's lives, anyone who cared to share. Perhaps that curiosity in turn served at the fuel and engine for her beating heart. six, seven planks up, she was able to peer into the blanket and hay floor, walnuts scattered, drying, slowly eaten at breakfasts for a lack of a warm meal, yet in their own way a luxury. open walls let the low autumn sunlight graze the blankets, keeping out mold and letting the sharp macedonian frost settle and reign at night. information gained, the old woman climbed down, and tossing fruity macedonian phrases out of her musty rare-toothed mouth, she proceeded to examine the house and the few adjacent shack structures, containing preserves, dishes, tools and other unnamable but inevitably useful things. Refusing coffee (for the reason on having had one earlier that morning), turning down a cigarette (to my surprise, since most old women passing through maja's yard require one of us to produce a fag) and passing by an offered apple (both sets on front teeth are missing), the woman whose name I gathered to be Polka, asked a few more general neighborly questions, shared with me in hand and facial expressions a gentle reproach toward the ever-barking Johnny (or Jonka) and went on her way, through the vegetable garden and out the opening in the old fence and into the labyrinth of village houses and yards, through which she navigated with the mastery of an old wind-worn sea captain. 

Monday, November 1, 2010

macedonia

bits and pieces:


im still alive and in macedonia in a small village in the mountains with fourty people, ten of whom are officially crazy and the other fourty including us, are unofficially so. the mountains and forests are unbelievably beautiful, the nights are frosty and the dogs all work as werewolves at night. im living for free on a farm, but the girl just started the community and its off season, so there isnt much to do, but walk and drink water and rakia with shopska salata, look at the amazing mountains and keep putting wood in the stove when the night comes, because its very cold here at night. i missed ana by one day, she left six hours before i came. i guess she needed to keep moving. i understand, i have the same feeling. to greece in a few days and may be i will find here there. i want to make nettle stew for the people in the house, and then off i go. the locals come visit and bring things often, so its definitely a new crown to hang out with. im still a bit sick. there is a guy here with a guitar and maja (the owner of the house) likes to sing to and has a few drums around, so there is a good bit of music, but its bitter sweet for me without rob and will.

very limited internet access
writing a lot on paper

much love

anya

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

too much, just enough, and nothing at all

one month on the road and only three days down with food poisoning. not bad, may be the moving is keeping my mind and body cleared, not allowing it to become stagnant. a point of slight regret: not traveling with a gig. i got the ukulele, but one must be really good to be able to entertains anyone with that gentle instrument. gypsies came into the balkans and settled working at dancers, singers and blacksmiths. now they still dance and sing... and beg. but most are begging while acting, or entertaining in some way. one must always be ready to offer something, a story, a smile, an intelligent dialogue, or a drawing when on the road. those travelers who grow bored, tired or claim that 'this place has nothing to offer' are best to be avoided. its easy to catch the mood of others at times when traveling alone, but you find yourself gravitating towards people and places that are best suited to your sensibility at the moment, and the more tuned in one can become with this sense, the smoother and more adventurous ones travels become. i have been developing a discipline of 'the walk', especially essential to big cities. first one must set a simple goal such as: 'find that music show i saw yesterday to play on that amazing pink guitar that i almost decided to buy', or 'find the best burek in town'. second, go for a walk in order to achieve this goal. third, after trying to get to this initial simple goal you will get into a walking groove and either will achieve your goal or not, but you will be able to keep walking for much longer and find may more things you had no idea you were looking for such as: a hedgehog, a rosegarden in a muslim cemetery, a peeling wall, a cat, a view of the sunset sky, a church, a person. its like a walking meditation, but has a much more chaotic structure in cities then in nature, because as a human being, you will be relation, voluntarily or not to the society you happen to be walking through, and you will probably 'not fit in' since you dont have friends or projects here, and that can get you down, but dont let it get you. writing help, especially writing for someone, in a form of a letter even if you never find it. drinking coffee and people watching helps, and drawing of course. im in beograd now, just got here and will be for a few days. then either to romania for a few days to visit friends i met on the road and stay at their place for free (yay) or right down south to macedonia to join ana on the farm. the to greece. i crave nature, hard work and simple life of stability. it will be a vacation from wandering, a temporary place of settlement. the rhythms of the road.